A dear friend passed last Saturday. Alone, in his apartment.

His son learned the news from a policeman yesterday, and he broke the news to me as soft as he could, but what's the use?

Death is always brutal, sudden, and ruthless, no matther how well you try to wrap it up.

His death is quick and sudden. It's a merciful exit for him, a cruel hard blow to us, the living ones who cares and loves him.

How do we handle death? Especially dealth of our loved ones, and our own of course, but that would be later on.

My dear of death, of my loved ones had always being a shadow, like clouds cast a shadow on mellow, it comes and goes.

There was fear and worry, but then I try to push it away when I felt hard to handle. It's not happened yet, let me worry about it latter.

I pushed the rising waves of sorrow back while in the office, I let my tears drop quietly and then I push back my feelings. I can not mourn for him here, I need a quiet place to let the slash up.

I rode in a taxi to get some work down. Not here neither, not in front of a stronger. But I couldnt help think, what and how is death to us all? Gaze out of the window, sharp sunlights break into pieces on grass leaves and walls, the same grass, same streets, same buildings, nothing seemed to have been changed, but nothing look the same.

With him gone, the world is empitier.

Each time a close friend passed away, they left a hollow in my heart, and emptiness in the world. Why nice people die early? Who believe in punishment of the evil and reward for being good? 

Death took away our beloved ones at a snap, one by one, like kites flying in sky, we thought we hold the cord in our hands with the contact information, we thought we are in control, we know where they are and how they are, no matther how far or how high they fly. But then all of a sudden, the cord was broken and the "kites" are gone, fallen some place unknow and unchaseable. Death, happens everyday, happens to strongers and aquitance, happens to friends and family. Always seems distance, all of sudden so near, in front your face.

Why we are here and where we go afterwards?
I felt the answer merging. We are here to love, to give, to make lives better. Though who lives so never really die.